Nae Messin! We'll Set About Ye

Ah yes, the Glasgow Airport "bombings." You may have noticed a few weeks ago when a couple of radical Muslim MDs from Paisley tried to drive a flaming car into the side of Glasgow Airport. I was on a train to London when it happened and learned of it only when I got a call from my mother saying simply "they tried to bomb Glasgow, be careful." The news made a ripple in Scotland for a few days and was mostly forgotten about or laughed off, but the emails kept coming from the States asking if I had been the latest casualty in the war on terror.

It was the same at work; all of our valuers who have clients in the States were bombarded with emails and calls asking whether or not everyone was ok, and had anyone in our families been affected by the attack? I was intrigued by this onslaught of concern and asked my mom about news coverage of the incident in the States. "Yeah, it's been on 24 hours a day over here. Your grandparents are very concerned." What is the deal, CNN? I watched BBC news that night and it went something like this:

"Tonight's top stories: A cricket match in Wembley was unexpectedly delayed when a mischievous pair of corgies stormed the pitch! Ha ha! Jolly Good! In Wales, a man reported 'extreme thirst' after being trapped in a salt mine for close to three hours, and in Scotland, some doctors drove a flaming car into the side of Glasgow Airport. Marvelous!"

I rode the train to Edinburgh on Monday and worked a full day with many intelligent, informed people and did not hear a single mention of the incident. What gives, Amurica? Why does the US media insist on creating a culture of fear? Take a page from the BBC and let's have a little more corgie, a little less terror.

The biggest phenomenon to come out of the whole ordeal was John Smeaton; or, as my mom calls him, 'a man to love.' I'm sure you've heard of him by now, but if you've been living in a basement in Wisconsin surrounded by automatic weapons and stores of dehydrated food, Smeaton is the average-Joe baggage handler who was skyrocketed to international media fame when he didn't hesitate to drop the fag he was smoking and give the would-be terrorists a proper 'Weegie beating for trying to mess with his people. I believe he kicked the man about the head and neck -- while he was on fire no less -- until the 'Polis' could subdue the attackers and take them into custody.

Here is a clip from the BBC with Smeaton's cogent explanation of Scotland's stance on terror which is basically, don't mess with us because we will beat the everliving crap out of you:


Can I just say that things like this make me love Scotland all the more? There are parts of it that infuriate me, notably the lack of free refills, but when it comes to terror, man, we'll set about ye. I'm told that apparently the above clip had to have subtitles in the States which is also hilarious.

So, in conclusion: don't try to come between a Glasgwegian and his 40 pound mini-break to Ibiza because you will be beaten viciously about the neck and shoulders. You heard it here first.

Oh, and here's the BBC's tribute to John Smeaton. My favorite part is the little chuckle that the male newscaster makes right at the very end. Listen closely.