The Airing of Grievances

Festivus has come and gone this year but that doesn't mean I can't whine and moan a little bit. Hey! Don't roll your eyes! This blog is almost 100 percent buckets-of-sunshine 80 percent of the time, so I think it's time to dwell on things that drive me absolutely nuts about living overseas (and specifically in St Andrews) so everyone can calm down a little bit about how much fun I must be having:

1. The library closes at midnight and at 9 pm on the weekends. What is the deal? My most productive hours are approximately 11 pm - 4 am. I used to spend whole nights in the UL at Carolina watching everyone wig out, eat bagels, and run circles around the computers. I am physically incapable of doing work at 4 in the afternoon in my flat. I end up watching Heroes or making up a new blog template. I need my 24 hour library. The end. (This is my most recent grievance; it's 11:18 and I'm itching to write an essay but I just... can't.)

2. Every single time I spend money I have to multiply the cost by two in my head to account for the exchange rate. This afternoon, for instance, I went to have a tasty wrap at my favorite takeaway spot, Butler's. I can get a chunk of goodness called The Godfather for a mere 3 pounds; it has goat log, parma, rocket, red onion chili, and other... things. So for all that it sounds quite cheap, eh? Well, that's SIX DOLLARS. Then I had to drop my white dress off at the cleaner because someone spilled red wine on me at the Ball. 18 pounds for cleaning. That's 36 dollars. It just goes on and on... Don't get me started on buying clothes. It simply can't be done. 40 dollars for a t-shirt is ludicrous. It costs me 5 pounds to get back and forth from work on the bus, three times a week.

3. I have something called "The Hundred Days Cough." Most of you don't have the pleasure of speaking to me over the phone so you don't get to hear the spectacular hemming and hawing I go through approximately 7 times an hour. It's terrible. I've had it almost three months now. I can't run, sing, laugh very hard, or breath through my nose when I eat. Scotland has made me a mouth breather. And the thing is, EVERYONE HAS IT. Jamie has it, everyone in my classes, all the old people at work... it's just the way we roll in Scotland apparently. I've got antibiotics, nose spray, lozenges, crystals, and travel kleenex. I've been cut down in my prime. Wasting away.

4. All the shops shut at 5:30. All of them. I get home from work at 5:30. WHAT.

5. It takes two hours, two bus rides, and a train to get to the airport. The journey to the airport costs somewhere in the neighbourhood of 20 pounds. And what is that multiplied by two? Yeesss.

6. I miss American food. I miss it, I miss it, OH I miss it. Sometimes I sit in the kitchen and stare at the open refrigerator and realize that I could probably kill a man for a #1 from Wendy's (just cheese and ketchup and a lemonade, please). More than anything I really, really miss southern food. I miss huge portions. I miss biscuits, grits, sweet tea, green beans, the entire Cracker Barrel menu, poptarts, good breakfast cereal (there are roughly 4 cereal choices in Tesco and they all involve wheat or bran), cheese fries, mexican food, good diet coke (they make it with different sugar here and it tastes NAST), pokey stix, Fuddruckers burgers, milk shakes, Boston Market, smoked salmon at my grandparent's house, tater tots, chicken and rice and gravy... oh, I just have to stop. On a related note: I miss American restaurants. I miss customer service and southern hospitality. I miss the ladies at the Moose Cafe in Asheville. I miss free refills. I miss ice. I miss being able to talk to your server and not have them think you are a crazy person.

7. My carpet sheds. It's taking over my life.

8. I MISS HAVING A CLOTHES DRYER.

9. House parties. What is going on? People are so weird about them here. At Carolina if someone is having a party you can pretty much walk up and come in, have a drink, and get friendly. That is not the case here. You have to be invited by the host in person, have an invitation done in calligraphy, and share DNA with at least four other invitees. You absolutely and under no circumstances can bring a friend. Lame.

10. Technology. It's like 1998 over here, for realsies. My office was on dial-up until a few days ago.

11. You have to pay bills at the post office with cash. What is this, a culture of drug dealers?

12. I don't have a car and I live out in the country. Imagine living in Hillsborough or Fairview or some other place IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE without transportation and you have some idea of what it's like.

Sometimes I go absolutely batshit crazy and start running down the road towards Edinburgh, but then my hundred-day cough kicks in and I'm doubled over on the shoulder with 5 pounds (10 dollars) at 6 pm (shops are shut) and a mobile with no reception (technology, also I'm in the middle of nowhere) and all I want is a double quarter pounder with cheese, a milkshake, and a side of cheese fries. I had one of those days today. It ruled.

BUT I REMAIN POSITIVE.